dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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