Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize