there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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