I heard we made out
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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