Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
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I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
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She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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