was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
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His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
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Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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