He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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