At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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