she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
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so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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