oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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