I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
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The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
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Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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