Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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