I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize