I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
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I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
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I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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