worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
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These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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