no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize