mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
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I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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