We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
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