u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
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Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
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We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize