She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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