You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
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Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
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I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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