we made out on top of his cat.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize