He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
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If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
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it's unicorns you uncultured swine
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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