Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
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theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
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I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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