What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize