I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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