ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
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Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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