No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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