Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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