Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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