New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
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i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
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I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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