Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
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Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
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My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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