tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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