i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
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You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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