My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
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WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
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I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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