i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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