Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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