According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
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When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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