You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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