I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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