Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
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Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
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you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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