I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize