you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize