I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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