If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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