no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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