FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize