I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
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Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
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He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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