I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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