so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
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Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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